all hope of being a normal person. Whatever normal is. Man, this time the depression is really tough. I’ve been fighting it for awhile and it seems like I just can’t get out from under it. I don’t want to go back on meds, it’s been so long since I’ve had to do that. The thing is, when it gets like this, there is no rhyme or reason to anything. Everything is a slight against me, everything is biased against me, everything. The rise in diesel prices is specifically against me so that I won’t drive too much.
And there is no reason for it. None. My life as a whole is quite good by comparative standards. Way above the mean. It really makes you think about why people act the way they do. I mean, I don’t want to feel like this, I just do. I wonder if other people are like this? Always wondering why they feel like they do and act like they do, the mind never ceasing for rest.
I need a manic day. Late.
Yes, other people do feel like you do. I try not to dwell on the depression when it hits. People think I’m happy go-lucky all the time because I have learned to hide the darkness from them. How can you explain to someone “what’s wrong” when you don’t know for sure what is wrong? I’ve never been on meds for depression nor do I intend to do so. I try to turn the negative into positive as much as possible.
Keep looking up and remember, I love you, Bro!
It’s in the genes, Bro, it’s in the genes! Write a song…you will feel better and we will as well when you share it…
Well, David, I do remember in 1973-74, when I was in deep depression and didn’t even realize what was the matter. At the time, my doctor prescribed Valium, and that made it even more pronounced. I thought that I was dying, my heart would race so fast, and skip beats, and I lost 40+ pounds…I never knew until it was over that I was most likely depression, and I certainly never knew what brought it on. We were expecting Dawn at the time, but as far as I know to this day, that didn’t seem to play a part in it. I remember one evening that I had just returned from a revival meeting in Rock Hill, S. Carolina, got home, was resting in the bedroom, Brenda had gone somewhere, and a “voice” kept telling me to go into the kitchen and get a knife and stab myself…it was the most unusual thing I’d ever experience…I didn’t begin to want to die, and I refused to go into the kitchen because I felt like I was totally out of control. At the same time in my life, I was dreadfully fearful of the demonic. That all lasted for over a year. During that same time, we moved back to Houston, and it finally got better. I still think that something was chemically wrong with me. It’s never happened again, fortunately, but I’ll never forget what a struggle it was. So, keep hope, trust the Lord, and know that it can get better. Have you considered a counselor or someone you could talk to professionally? Perhaps they could dig deeper and see if there is something else bothering you.
Daniel
My goodness, #1 Bro…how well I recall that time in your life! And I praise God every day that you never made it to the kitchen! Thanks for sharing this with #2 Bro (as well as the rest of the world!)
Do I have great Bros or what!!!
David doesn’t need a counselor…he has me! He is really normal. Just gets down sometimes and it passes. I think we all do. Anyway I decided to post because really there is no advice to give. Sometimes just having a place to write down how you feel is all that is needed.
Amen, Terri!