I just want to cry. Nothing to do with morphing into a woman, just want to cry. Maybe that is why I’ve been morphing, you know, because it is more socially acceptable for a woman to cry. This morning, I want to cry. I want to flood the place with tears, crying out, pouring out, needing peace.
I went this morning to the new church to help prepare the grounds to receive sod. Great turnout, probably 30 or more men there to help. I left a bit early to go with SU somewhere and had a voicemail from BIL on my cell. He is leaving the church and going to another one. Gave lots of reasons, but I know the truth. Truth is, I didn’t help him enough through a lot of things he is facing. I’m not blaming myself, it is his responsibility to be happy, I’m just so, so sad about it. He is such a joy when he is walking in the spirit. He needs to find his way and I didn’t do enough to help. There were things I said, things I didn’t do, things that didn’t pull him towards the light.
I want to cry. And am. Late.